


Something for the Weekend

by LondonKdS



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, F/M, Missing Scene, One is a troll, SF contraception
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25489717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LondonKdS/pseuds/LondonKdS
Summary: Susan's departure has caused Ian and Barbara to re-evaluate their relationship. First, though, Ian needs to ask the Doctor about the contents of the TARDIS medical cabinet...Thanks to Oursin for advice on historical word usage.
Relationships: Ian Chesterton & First Doctor, Ian Chesterton/Barbara Wright
Kudos: 10





	Something for the Weekend

**Author's Note:**

> Set between the final scene of "The Rescue" and the opening of "The Romans".

"Yes, I do believe that is enough."

Ian mopped his brow and poured most of the jug of water straight into his mouth. As he had anticipated, "helping" the Doctor to camouflage the TARDIS had involved him hacking down branches and arranging them artistically around the police box, while the Doctor sat on a stool in the shade and made unhelpful remarks. And why was he soaked in sweat wearing only a Roman tunic and sandals, while the Doctor was wearing his usual black suit in eighty fahrenheit and still looking as fresh as a daisy?

He did have an ulterior motive for getting the Doctor alone, however. But why was he so nervous about starting the conversation? He and Barbara were both adults, after all, and the Doctor had at least one grand-daughter, so he couldn't be completely innocent on the subject. Unless where he came from they grew their babies in Erlenmeyer flasks, like in Brave New World.

He sat down on the bank next to the Doctor. "Doctor", he began, "You understand that since you... when we started travelling together Barbara and I were already friends?"

"Yes, yes, Chessington", the Doctor said. "I had noticed that."

"And over the last few months Barbara and I have become very... close. Very close."

The Doctor frowned. "I know, Chesterton. You aren't asking me for your permission, are you? Just because you're staying in my ship doesn't mean I have any kind of responsibility for your sexual morality, does it? You're both quite old enough to make your own decisions about what to do with your bodies."

Ian took a hasty swig of water. This was worse than he'd imagined.

"Oh, no, Doctor. It's just... um, Doctor. Do you have anything in the TARDIS medical bay to help with... birth control?"

The Doctor chuckled. "Ah, yes. I hadn't thought. I suppose you don't want to start breeding, do you? We hardly want some juvenile crawling all over the TARDIS, sticking their fingers in sockets, drooling all over the circuitry, do we?"

Ian was trying to come up with a reply, but the Doctor was already pulling branches away from the TARDIS door and tossing them aside, with a strength and vigour that made Ian feel that he'd been rather exploited over the previous hour or two. He unlocked the door and disappeared inside, leaving Ian to push the door open and follow him.

The Doctor was already disappearing through a doorway on the other side of the console room.

"Now, now, what do I have here." The Doctor rummaged through a cabinet and pulled open a membrane-sealed vial. "Ah yes, picked this up on a human world in your fifty-first century. Gene therapy retrovirus. Completely rearranges the female reproductive system. Once Miss Wright's taken this, the processes of ovum release and blastocyst implantation will be completely under voluntary nervous control. No need to worry about contraception ever again."

Ian goggled.

"Ah. Yes, it has been sitting in here for some time, so it might have mutated. Also, when you get back to your home time zone, it would possibly cause some social disruption and changes to history. It probably wouldn't affect the genetics of Miss Wright's ova and be passed on to your offspring, since I believe with your species they are created all in one go and not renewed during her lifetime, eh? But it doesn't really justify the risk."

The Doctor rummaged further and pulled out a box. "Smart polymer male barrier contraceptive. You spray this on your glans and it automatically forms an elastic membrane over your meatus. Then when you ejaculate, it waits for a couple of hours and forms a hard ball containing your semen, which falls off and can be disposed of at your convenience. If you want to remove it earlier, just apply a little vinegar. No interference with your or Miss Wright's sensations at all."

Ian tried to make coherent sounds. "Look, Doctor, I know you're trying to be helpful but... I don't want to put anything high-tech on my johnson. Don't you have anything that I'm... used to?"

The Doctor sniffed. "Well, I did pick up a few boxes of Durex in 1963 just in case Susan met a young man. Here, take them if that's all you want."

Ian hurriedly stuffed the boxes of condoms into his waistband. "Thank you Doctor. Thanks so much."

The Doctor began to stride back towards the entrance. "Oh, and Chesterfield, do remember to replace the camouflage once you've left."


End file.
